Behavior Modification vs. Informational Feedback

I'm getting ready to do a couple of presentations to groups of parents about music and child development. Wow, it's a chance to actually say more than a sentence worth to adults! In class I know I have precious few seconds before the children say (by their action) "Back to work!". But I have so much to say! How will I whittle this down to a reasonable presentation?

Here's one topic I'd like to share in deeper detail with all my Kindermusik families: Informational feedback. That's a fancy label for describing to children what it is that they are doing. Tonight in my Kindermusik Our Time class (18 months to 3 1/2+ year olds) we experimented playing a drum both quiet and loudly. Wow, what intensity! It was beautiful.

The temptation to say: "Good Job!!" was high. What is more valuable to a child is to say "You played that loudly!" "You played loudly with both hands!" "That was loud!" "Oh, quiet!" "That was so quiet." "Your fingers played quietly."

So what's wrong with saying "Good Job!"? It is how we were programed to respond. It conveys our being pleased and maybe even conveys the reward of our love to our children for their having done the "right" thing. This praise is called behavior modification. That's what was hot when I was in college learning how to be a teacher. I was good at it.

Then, as a teacher, I noticed some children shying away from my praises. Or to my amazement their reaction was to sabotage their next attempt: to fail on purpose. It really puzzled me.

Still, I know the wise educators of the educators surely must know what they are talking about so I figured some children just didn't get it. Maybe they need MORE praise! Then one day I realized I was having similar feelings when a teacher friend of mine had been praising me and my children lavishly. Oh, my. I was afraid then that my toddler would pull her lamp over and my pedestal would be wrecked. (I was afraid my children would be normal!) How can we keep this up? Sometimes I denied her praise, maybe questioning her sincerity. I was very nervous around my good friend.

Then I happened upon an interesting book about praise and rewards, Punished by Rewards, by Alfie Kohn. This was very difficult for me to accept and would have been impossible had I not been showered with praises by my good friend! As I read it I thought of my students who would hide under the chairs when I said, "Good job!". And countless other students would crazily whack their glockenspiel wildly and loudly directly after receiving a well deserved dose of praise.

Kohn's remedy is to give informational feedback. It's really pretty easy since it is simply to describe what they're doing. Take for example your child shows you a beautiful picture. "Good Job!" just jumps out of your mouth....well then follow it up with "I see lots of yellow!" "Look at all the circles", "What are those?".

All this exchange does really convey your affirmation and love. You are taking time to converse with them. You are using lots of descriptive words increasing their vocabulary. You give them a chance to respond to what you've said, to elaborate or correct what you've said. All the doors are open.

Go ahead and do an experiment. Ask a friend to find moments to praise you with "Good Job!" and see for yourself how it feels. It's kinda vague. Is it sincere? (I sure have said "Good Job!" while my attention was really a hundred miles away.) Did you feel welcomed to converse about your accomplishment or did that seem to be the final statement?

Tonight's class worked so hard on quiet and loud. And as I said their intensity was amazing. You surely would have had to see and hear it for yourself to experience the intensity of their quiet drumming. The whole class was so involved, so intent on the task. Eyes wide, mouths open....Wasn't it amazing how they waited for their turns? And the parents were modeling the wonder of it all. I love watching parents caught in the moment of joyful parenting.

Now that's way more interesting than if I said "Good Job Parents!" AND I'm sincere.
Hugs to yours,
Yvette