Wish I had a parenting manual.

Did you know that right before a baby figures out how to walk (at about 11 months old), her brain sprouts tons of new neural connections in her prefrontal lobes. Her brain is getting ready for all the exploring she will do on this new level! Shortly after there's a natural pruning that happens which clears away the excess connections that aren't being used. We seem to cringe when we hear that because I think we see potential that won't actualize. But the brain needs to streamline and get better at what we're good at rather than having too many irons in the fire....

But what I've read recently sheds new light on parenting and your baby's potential at this exciting stage of development. The prefrontal lobes is the part of the brain responsible for problem solving and creativity as opposed to the limbic system and the hind brain which take care of emotions and body functions (heart rate, breathing, digestion, aggression, etc). The limbic system is responsible for the decision to send an experience to the prefrontal lobes for thoughtful consideration OR back to the hind brain for fast action and survival. Consider this: How we discipline this toddler sets her up for how her brain will best handle situations that present themselves to her.

The average toddler hears NO!!! or receives a stern look or swat about every 9 minutes of their waking day. Those particular adult reactions to toddler behavior sends the toddler's hind brain into action. The prefrontal lobes do not get enough practice. Those new neural connections aren't being used much.

How can you say NO! without saying no? You know, when my babies were little I prayed everyday for creativity and patience. Some days I worried God left me all alone to deal with parenting! It's such hard work.

Here's some suggestions on saying NO without saying no.


Tell the child what TO do.
Get the child’s attention before communicating, touch them on the shoulder or hand...
Say the child’s name.
Use a gesture, move so you get into her visual field.
Show him an object or other visual cue to get him to look at you.
Help them know what TO do.
Using your singing voice calms you and the child.
Use a prompt, hand him a tissue instead of saying “Don’t wipe your nose on your sleeve.”
Use a gesture. Gestures can guide her to appropriate behavior. Point to the coat hookinstead of “Don’t drop your coat on the floor.”
Model what you want
Offer “Let’s do it together.” That can encourage children to do things with more enthusiasm.
Call attention to the “problem”.
Say “Oh, oh” “Oops!” “Look!” Then point to what needs to be done.
Look right at his face and clearly state what you want the student to do.
Take a deep breath..... and exhale.
Save NO! for emergencies! You'll need something strong then.

And parents, take care of yourself because it's a lot easier if you're not exhausted, hungry, stressed out....etc, etc! Your baby NEEDS a happy mom and a happy dad.
Love,
Yvette
Thanks Lori B. for your post on alternatives to saying NO.
The part about the brain I got from a great author Joseph Chilton Pearce who wrote The Magical Child and The Biology of Transcendence.
I know just enough about the brain to get me in trouble...some day.... I dream about being a neuroscientist! ...and a cellist....and.....