I am imagining the loving ritual this song must have been for this little cherub. And I imagine the loving rituals all the Kindermusik families have with "This Little Cow Eats Grass", "Shiny Dinah", "The Jack in the Box Jumps Up", "Lucy Locket", and "Kapulu Pulu Kane".
That's how the real meaning of Valentines gets to your children's hearts.
Happy Day,
Filled with love,
Miss Yvette
Chapter 1: I Love You Rituals: Activities to Build Bonds and Strengthen
Relationship with Children
We get caught up in our obligations and tasks and
lose sight of our children until they "get in trouble'' (displease us) or "do
something special" (please us). During both of these occasions, the children
receive our full and undivided attention. We could call one negative attention
and the other positive attention. Neither is helpful or healthy. Children come to
learn that for them to be "loved" (i.e., get attention) they must either
misbehave or be special. These two positions require children to be less than
others (in trouble) or better than others (winning) to get their most basic
needs met. This becomes a vicious cycle. They ultimately come to constantly
strive to get love and miss out on giving and receiving love. Ironically, the
real reason adults get caught up in their obligations is their own need to avoid
feeling less than others or their own need to feel better than others to
maintain their sense of self-esteem. To keep your children from this same
pitfall, you can take charge and establish strong relationships with children.
Adults must take time to "be" with their children. This time must be commanded
and orchestrated by adults, not demanded by children. "I Love You" Rituals can
be the beginning of this process.
Often adults find themselves locked in
negative patterns of interactions with their children. As the child grows and
challenges the adults around him or her more, constant battles can be the norm
instead of the exception. These battles can be especially trying during the
toddler years. As these battles continue day in and day out, the relationship
between the adult and child becomes strained. The willingness to begin the
healing process must come from the adult. Many adults just don't know what to
do. The question becomes, how can we "make up" with out children without giving
into them? How do we begin meeting the needs of children on our terms instead of
theirs? What can be done? What will heal the relationship? The answer is "I Love
You Rituals". When your relationship with a child becomes challenging make time
for an "Love You Ritual" in the morning and in the evening. As you add these
moments of unconditional love into your relationship, you will be inviting
cooperation into your home or classroom.
Light travels faster than sound. Your example is more powerful than your words will ever be.
Listed below are some traits we hope our children will exemplify when they are grown. I suggest you write your own list and post it on the fridge as a gentle reminder to parent with intent, to parent by example.....
When my children grow up I want them to be:
Happy
Healthy
Intelligent
Compassionate
Hard working
Creative and imaginative
Kind
Trustworthy
Confident
Kind
Courageous
Forgiving
Joyful
Worldly
Striving
Connected
Appreciative
Story Tellers
loving
honest
respectful
well-mannered
spiritual (lovers of God)
inclusive
understanding
patient
good sense of humor
Reading this list I imagine the perfect parent. Well, that's an impossible job description...BUT I strive! (and forgive myself!)
Peace and courage,
Yvette
Today Emma, in my Kindermusik Our Time class watched me carefully as I sang our good-bye song. I reached out and touched each child on the arm and looked into their eyes. When I was finished and about to turn away I saw her go around the circle, touch each child on the arm, look into their eyes and sing good-bye.
"According to neuroscience and child development research, brain development proceeds at a faster pace between conception and the first day of kindergarten than during any subsequent stage of life. In the early years, basic capacities such as trust, self-confidence, empathy, and curiosity are established. How people think, learn, reason, and relate to others throughout their lives is rooted in their early relationships, experiences, and environments."
Common Vision, Different Paths: Five States' Journeys toward Comprehensive Prenatal-to-Five Systems"
Where will children find early relationships, experiences and environments that will lead them to be the kind of people we dearly wish our children to be?
With people they love and who love them...unconditionally.
Kindermusik is a great place to BE together.
Thank you for sharing your children with me. I take it seriously. I know this is important work and that we are shaping the future.
The Holland Farmer's Market was in full harvest yesterday. The colors are spectacular. At the Boeve's stand, where I work there were big rainbow piles of sweet peppers, cauliflowers of white, orange, purple and green Italian cauliflower! Huge, dense cabbages (I sold one which weighed 9.99lbs for $1.25!), sweetest onions you've ever had, piles of tomatoes, bright green delicious broccoli.....
It was cold too! The change of seasons is coming through.
So I have lots of veggies in my kitchen right now. It takes time to make a meal when you start by chopping the vegetables instead of opening the plastic bag! Do we have time for this? Yes, we must! Here's my philosophy.
First cut up a red or orange pepper. (They are THE sweetest!) Arrange on a dish and leave on the counter. As the hungry children come by they nibble! Then Get out a second cutting board and knife and have them start chopping vegetables with you.
How young do you start them with this kind of work? As SOON as they are interested in dragging a chair over to the counter and standing on it begging to help. It does increase the time it takes to make the soup but this is an investment you will want to make. Because now when we are cutting and chopping we are also talking. It is a way of creating time and space for sharing what's on their minds and what's on your mind. It works well if you don't have an agenda...if the door to conversation is just open. Maybe you are just going to listen for a while. Maybe you are going to ask them open ended questions. Maybe you'll sing: "This is the way we chop the tomatoes..."
(Claire was watching some children here at the house and they helped us cut and chop a huge mound of peppers for salsa and for freezing last year. We all had great conversation. This year they came over ASKING "Do you have any vegetables we can chop?)
What happens when they grow up and everyone is so busy running from here to there that no two people are in the kitchen at same time? Well, yesterday I came home and the Moussaka was already made. And it was SO delicious. Who chopped for that? Not me! Thanks Claire.
Leek Soup
Clean and chop 2 leeks
Melt 1/4 cup of butter in a skillet
Saute the leeks until tender
Heat up 2 quarts of chicken broth
Peel and chop 5 potatoes
Chop 4 carrots
Simmer everything in the chicken broth until cooked (about 45 minutes)
Add 1/2 Cup of half and half
Grate in about 1/2 tsp. of fresh nutmeg
Shake in about 2 shakes of cayenne pepper
Salt and pepper to taste.
How a mom gets Real:
From The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ungly, except to people who don't understand."......
